Tornado of thoughts

In resilience class, we learned something interesting, useful, and insightful: tornado thoughts. In clinical psychology, this can be called a cognitive distortion: catastrophic thinking or catastrophizing. Just one bad thought after another snowballed into a bottomless pit of worries, fears, anxieties, dreads,and sadness,all of which reflecting our primary thinking error: that we must be loved, approved, and appreciated by others in order to love ourselves.

I had a moment of panic a while ago by doing something for the first time. Taking the first legitimate step. Putting myself out there, daring to hope for what I want. Bracing myself for disappointment.

But I'm not going to fall into that tornado of thoughts. Not this time. Whatever happens will happen. It will simply mean there's been a change of plan. Again.

it is a wonder that I have not given up on living considering that I'm easily depressed by sad news. Fortunately, great empathy reflects my ability to also absorb in good news, fun news, exciting news, and hopeful news.It is really a matter of perception for the struggle between light and darkness is a mere fallacy that which is perpetuated by human ignorance. Or human's best observation in light of progress toward perfection. Or human's worst fiction as shadowed by the chaos out of which no order can maintain longevity.

I think the struggle itself is more like waves...ups and downs,creeping in and pulling out of the shores. The struggle is not a struggle but a necessity. A flow of all things that will eventually end. A kind of motion that is constant until it is not longer in motion. And we must not fear but be thankful for the dance of light and shadow since without which stillness or dead silence will rise in abundance. Imagine nothingness. what a sad universe that would be.

So i'm grateful to feel the highs and lows. I'm so bitter. I'm also very confused. Yet also driven to discover. I'm a cell of a healthy universe. I'm one part god and other part fallen. I'm you with a different twist. I'm me that is unique. I'm a mimicry of a failed experiment. I'm a re-creation of your alternate decisions. I am nothing without you to notice my existence. I'm a product of your imagination. I'm not understood, but I am known. I'm unheard of but familiar. I am many things. I am one thing. I am here for another day. Just like you, perhaps tomorrow and the next day.