skipping classes and chasing CB

Here's how i see it:

If you don't like going to class, don't go to it. Stay home and really be at home. Then you'll appreciate going to class and seeing people.

Or just grow up and do the daily grind like other students.

Or just live. Be present. Show up to your responsibilities with presence and awareness.

Or make some new changes.

or it's your life so you can live however the hell you want.

Tv shows, game, internet, and music. They have a way to fooling you that you're not alone. They have a way to synthesize emotional closeness, a sense of bond, and companionship for a short while. They can also shorten days and speed up nights to make sure your eyes, your mind, your heart, all those things never know what's missing from your life. Only the stark silence tells you that you're ultimately alone even when you're connected to a network, even when you might be doing the same thing, watching the same show, listening to same to song online at the exact moment as someone else. But perhaps we're not alone, but just far apart. We just have no way of knowing so.

I think
It's funny that the weight
increases as the distance is distancing
like waves painting footsteps ashore
and I'm breathless amidst the storm
every little raindrop seems to dry
the very sky that sheds them
and love's supposed to hurt,
not kill in its absence.

What does game say about me...

Dear Life,
I feel that i take winning game too seriously. I found myself often relying on my cunning self which i'm starting to think that my innate intelligence is cunningness(it's not a word? the spell-check suggested cunnilingus which would be ironic).

Quite often i find myself getting either too serious or involved as i would begin to feel agitated if people move slow, I would order people what to do in their turn, i would be just very defensive or accusatory, and i would actually feel mad enough to plot revenge for next move. I feel that I get too personal while telling others "it's just a game". I just don't want to lose. And I just hate it when people make me feel bad or guilty when I win. I want people to understand that.

I wonder what I could do differently next time. Today's game with Baylen and co. was very interesting. I could see I repeated a pattern and became a person in someone's eyes that I never want to be. I really wonder what could be different next time.

Parts of us we don't want to be true...

As I'm putting bits and pieces of myself together
I discover some aspects that I'd rather forget
Like loneliness once a year every year during Vday

But for every price you pay for singularity
you gain independence and reassurance of yourself
it's like expanding definition, stretching who you are

And it's not about looking at the bright side
Or masking or hiding or denying the longings
like loneliness once a year ever year during Vday

It's a discovery of the parts of us we rather
not know to be true, in existence deep inside
the other side of the heart along side love

But for every price you pay for singularity
you gain independence and reassurance of yourself
it's like expanding definition, stretching who you are...but to what limit?