It's Friday

I have yet to remember what to write. I know for a fact that I have encountered a few pieces of me that I plan on writing when creating this blog. So far nothing huge has come to mind. Although there was one incident a few days back when suddenly the Fanny Brice's quote I used in the about me on facebook hit home hard. These 3Hs packed a punch. It was not just a realization. It was a sinking realization. I remembered being panic a little at the thought of losing my pose and not knowing where I stand. It was also a shameful realization that I have been posing for no good reasons other than insecurity of expressing my self. We are all encouraged to express ourselves yet at the same we are scorned, mocked, and teased. Note the progression of the severity of each word.

"Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?" - Fanny Brice

We are in college to better ourselves. Adults do have ideas of what we should be. We are following the curriculum and so naturally we are following what people before us think we should be and do. I don't expect the whole quote to be all that is truth, but there is some wisdom in there when you read. You can feel it. You can feel the urge to craft the life we are entitled to and equipped to live. We are better left seeking our own path, making our own worthwhile adventure as we dive into the world as we are, not what we should be.

Where am I? this is the question. On someday, I'm troubled by the question because there is no adequate answer. To me the question doesn't ask about the location of my physical being. It asks: where are in you life? at what stage are you at? Just where have you been? and where have you arrived? I'm troubled because I somewhat know that I haven't made much significant progress. I have a long way ahead. If death means going home, I feel too close to going home and too sad to have not done enough of what I have left home to do in the first place. Just what is it that I have left home to do? I have no idea. Do you know anything yourself?

Is it better to wake up with a specific assignment readied for us to pursue? When it comes it life, it is better that we are left alone to weather out the storm of mystery and uncertainty?

I think assignment gives us some yellow brick road to follow. Yet it seems to take away all the joy and awe of life when uncertainty and adventure are rendered obsolete with the rigidity of rules, precautions, requirements, and assigned sets of dos and don'ts.

Perhaps not knowing is a bliss in disguise.